Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland(page 2)

’Perhaps it doesn’t understand English,’ thought Alice;
‘I daresay it’s a French mouse, come over with William
the Conqueror.’ (For, with all her knowledge of history,
Alice had no very clear notion how long ago anything had
happened.) So she began again: ‘Ou est ma chatte?’ which
was the first sentence in her French lesson-book. The
Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the water, and seemed to
quiver all over with fright. ‘Oh, I beg your pardon!’ cried
Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the poor animal’s
feelings. ‘I quite forgot you didn’t like cats.’
’Not like cats!’ cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate
voice. ‘Would you like cats if you were me?’
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’Well, perhaps not,’ said Alice in a soothing tone:
‘don’t be angry about it. And yet I wish I could show you
our cat Dinah: I think you’d take a fancy to cats if you
could only see her. She is such a dear quiet thing,’ Alice
went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily about in the

pool, ‘and she sits purring so nicely by the fire, licking her
paws and washing her face—and she is such a nice soft
thing to nurse—and she’s such a capital one for catching
mice—oh, I beg your pardon!’ cried Alice again, for this
time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she felt certain
it must be really offended. ‘We won’t talk about her any
more if you’d rather not.’
’We indeed!’ cried the Mouse, who was trembling
down to the end of his tail. ‘As if I would talk on such a
subject! Our family always hated cats: nasty, low, vulgar
things! Don’t let me hear the name again!’
’I won’t indeed!’ said Alice, in a great hurry to change
the subject of conversation. ‘Are you—are you fond—
of—of dogs?’ The Mouse did not answer, so Alice went
on eagerly: ‘There is such a nice little dog near our house
I should like to show you! A little bright-eyed terrier, you
know, with oh, such long curly brown hair! And it’ll fetch
things when you throw them, and it’ll sit up and beg for
its dinner, and all sorts of things—I can’t remember half of
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them—and it belongs to a farmer, you know, and he says
it’s so useful, it’s worth a hundred pounds! He says it kills
all the rats and—oh dear!’ cried Alice in a sorrowful tone,
‘I’m afraid I’ve offended it again!’ For the Mouse
was swimming away from her as hard as it could go, and
making quite a commotion in the pool as it went.
So she called softly after it, ‘Mouse dear! Do come back
again, and we won’t talk about cats or dogs either, if you
don’t like them!’ When the Mouse heard this, it turned
round and swam slowly back to her: its face was quite pale
(with passion, Alice thought), and it said in a low
trembling voice, ‘Let us get to the shore, and then I’ll tell
you my history, and you’ll understand why it is I hate cats
and dogs.’
It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite
crowded with the birds and animals that had fallen into it:
there were a Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and
several other curious creatures. Alice led the way, and the
whole party swam to the shore.
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CHAPTER III: A Caucus-Race and a Long
Tale
They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled
on the bank—the birds with draggled feathers, the animals
with their fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet,
cross, and uncomfortable.
The first question of course was, how to get dry again:
they had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes
it seemed quite natural to Alice to find herself talking
familiarly with them, as if she had known them all her life.
Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the Lory, who
at last turned sulky, and would only say, ‘I am older than
you, and must know better’; and this Alice would not
allow without knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory
positively refused to tell its age, there was no more to be
said.
At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of
authority among them, called out, ‘Sit down, all of you,
and listen to me! I’ll soon make you dry enough!’ They all
sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse in the
middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she
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felt sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry
very soon.
’Ahem!’ said the Mouse with an important air, ‘are you
all ready? This is the driest thing I know. Silence all
round, if you please! ‘William the Conqueror, whose
cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted to by
the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late
much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and
Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria—‘‘
’Ugh!’ said the Lory, with a shiver.
’I beg your pardon!’ said the Mouse, frowning, but
very politely: ‘Did you speak?’
’Not I!’ said the Lory hastily.
’I thought you did,’ said the Mouse. ‘—I proceed.
‘Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria,
declared for him: and even Stigand, the patriotic
archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable—‘‘
’Found what?’ said the Duck.
’Found it,’ the Mouse replied rather crossly: ‘of course
you know what ‘it’ means.’
’I know what ‘it’ means well enough, when I find a
thing,’ said the Duck: ‘it’s generally a frog or a worm. The
question is, what did the archbishop find?’
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The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly
went on, ‘’—found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling
to meet William and offer him the crown. William’s
conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence of his
Normans—’ How are you getting on now, my dear?’ it
continued, turning to Alice as it spoke.
’As wet as ever,’ said Alice in a melancholy tone: ‘it
doesn’t seem to dry me at all.’
’In that case,’ said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet,
‘I move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate
adoption of more energetic remedies—’
’Speak English!’ said the Eaglet. ‘I don’t know the
meaning of half those long words, and, what’s more, I
don’t believe you do either!’ And the Eaglet bent down its
head to hide a smile: some of the other birds tittered
audibly.
’What I was going to say,’ said the Dodo in an
offended tone, ‘was, that the best thing to get us dry
would be a Caucus-race.’
’What is a Caucus-race?’ said Alice; not that she wanted
much to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought
that somebody ought to speak, and no one else seemed
inclined to say anything.
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’Why,’ said the Dodo, ‘the best way to explain it is to
do it.’ (And, as you might like to try the thing yourself,
some winter day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed
it.)
First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle,
(’the exact shape doesn’t matter,’ it said,) and then all the
party were placed along the course, here and there. There
was no ‘One, two, three, and away,’ but they began
running when they liked, and left off when they liked, so
that it was not easy to know when the race was over.
However, when they had been running half an hour or so,
and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called out
‘The race is over!’ and they all crowded round it, panting,
and asking, ‘But who has won?’
This question the Dodo could not answer without a
great deal of thought, and it sat for a long time with one
finger pressed upon its forehead (the position in which
you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while
the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said, ‘everybody
has won, and all must have prizes.’
’But who is to give the prizes?’ quite a chorus of voices
asked.
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’Why, she, of course,’ said the Dodo, pointing to Alice
with one finger; and the whole party at once crowded
round her, calling out in a confused way, ‘Prizes! Prizes!’
Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put
her hand in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits,
(luckily the salt water had not got into it), and handed
them round as prizes. There was exactly one a-piece all
round.
’But she must have a prize herself, you know,’ said the
Mouse.
’Of course,’ the Dodo replied very gravely. ‘What else
have you got in your pocket?’ he went on, turning to
Alice.
’Only a thimble,’ said Alice sadly.
’Hand it over here,’ said the Dodo.
Then they all crowded round her once more, while the
Dodo solemnly presented the thimble, saying ‘We beg
your acceptance of this elegant thimble’; and, when it had
finished this short speech, they all cheered.
Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all
looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she
could not think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and
took the thimble, looking as solemn as she could.
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The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some
noise and confusion, as the large birds complained that
they could not taste theirs, and the small ones choked and
had to be patted on the back. However, it was over at last,
and they sat down again in a ring, and begged the Mouse
to tell them something more.
’You promised to tell me your history, you know,’ said
Alice, ‘and why it is you hate—C and D,’ she added in a
whisper, half afraid that it would be offended again.
’Mine is a long and a sad tale!’ said the Mouse, turning
to Alice, and sighing.
’It IS a long tail, certainly,’ said Alice, looking down
with wonder at the Mouse’s tail; ‘but why do you call it
sad?’ And she kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse
was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was something
like this:—
’Fury said to a mouse, That he met in the house, ‘Let
us both go to law: I will prosecute you. —Come, I’ll take
no denial; We must have a trial: For really this morning
I’ve nothing to do.’ Said the mouse to the cur, ‘Such a
trial, dear Sir,With no jury or judge, would be wasting our
breath.’ ‘I’ll be judge, I’ll be jury,’ said cunning old
Fury:"I’ll try the whole cause, and condemn you to
death.‘‘
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’You are not attending!’ said the Mouse to Alice
severely. ‘What are you thinking of?’
’I beg your pardon,’ said Alice very humbly: ‘you had
got to the fifth bend, I think?’
’I had not!’ cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.
’A knot!’ said Alice, always ready to make herself
useful, and looking anxiously about her. ‘Oh, do let me
help to undo it!’
’I shall do nothing of the sort,’ said the Mouse, getting
up and walking away. ‘You insult me by talking such
nonsense!’
’I didn’t mean it!’ pleaded poor Alice. ‘But you’re so
easily offended, you know!’
The Mouse only growled in reply.
’Please come back and finish your story!’ Alice called
after it; and the others all joined in chorus, ‘Yes, please
do!’ but the Mouse only shook its head impatiently, and
walked a little quicker.
’What a pity it wouldn’t stay!’ sighed the Lory, as soon
as it was quite out of sight; and an old Crab took the
opportunity of saying to her daughter ‘Ah, my dear! Let
this be a lesson to you never to lose your temper!’ ‘Hold
your tongue, Ma!’ said the young Crab, a little snappishly.
‘You’re enough to try the patience of an oyster!’
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’I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!’ said Alice
aloud, addressing nobody in particular. ‘She’d soon fetch it
back!’
’And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the
question?’ said the Lory.
Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk
about her pet: ‘Dinah’s our cat. And she’s such a capital
one for catching mice you can’t think! And oh, I wish you
could see her after the birds! Why, she’ll eat a little bird as
soon as look at it!’
This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the
party. Some of the birds hurried off at once: one old
Magpie began wrapping itself up very carefully,
remarking, ‘I really must be getting home; the night-air
doesn’t suit my throat!’ and a Canary called out in a
trembling voice to its children, ‘Come away, my dears! It’s
high time you were all in bed!’ On various pretexts they
all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.
’I wish I hadn’t mentioned Dinah!’ she said to herself in
a melancholy tone. ‘Nobody seems to like her, down
here, and I’m sure she’s the best cat in the world! Oh, my
dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you any more!’
And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very
lonely and low-spirited. In a little while, however, she
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again heard a little pattering of footsteps in the distance,
and she looked up eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had
changed his mind, and was coming back to finish his story.
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CHAPTER IV: The Rabbit Sends in a Little
Bill
It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again,
and looking anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost
something; and she heard it muttering to itself ‘The
Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and
whiskers! She’ll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are
ferrets! Where can I have dropped them, I wonder?’ Alice
guessed in a moment that it was looking for the fan and
the pair of white kid gloves, and she very good-naturedly
began hunting about for them, but they were nowhere to
be seen—everything seemed to have changed since her
swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table
and the little door, had vanished completely.
Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went
hunting about, and called out to her in an angry tone,
‘Why, Mary Ann, what are you doing out here? Run
home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a
fan! Quick, now!’ And Alice was so much frightened that
she ran off at once in the direction it pointed to, without
trying to explain the mistake it had made.
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’He took me for his housemaid,’ she said to herself as
she ran. ‘How surprised he’ll be when he finds out who I
am! But I’d better take him his fan and gloves—that is, if I
can find them.’ As she said this, she came upon a neat little
house, on the door of which was a bright brass plate with
the name ‘W. RABBIT’ engraved upon it. She went in
without knocking, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest
she should meet the real Mary Ann, and be turned out of
the house before she had found the fan and gloves.
’How queer it seems,’ Alice said to herself, ‘to be going
messages for a rabbit! I suppose Dinah’ll be sending me on
messages next!’ And she began fancying the sort of thing
that would happen: ‘"Miss Alice! Come here directly, and
get ready for your walk!’ ‘Coming in a minute, nurse! But
I’ve got to see that the mouse doesn’t get out.’ Only I
don’t think,’ Alice went on, ‘that they’d let Dinah stop in
the house if it began ordering people about like that!’
By this time she had found her way into a tidy little
room with a table in the window, and on it (as she had
hoped) a fan and two or three pairs of tiny white kid
gloves: she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves, and
was just going to leave the room, when her eye fell upon a
little bottle that stood near the looking- glass. There was
no label this time with the words ‘DRINK ME,’ but
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nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her lips. ‘I know
something interesting is sure to happen,’ she said to herself,
‘whenever I eat or drink anything; so I’ll just see what this
bottle does. I do hope it’ll make me grow large again, for
really I’m quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!’
It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had
expected: before she had drunk half the bottle, she found
her head pressing against the ceiling, and had to stoop to
save her neck from being broken. She hastily put down
the bottle, saying to herself ‘That’s quite enough—I hope
I shan’t grow any more—As it is, I can’t get out at the
door—I do wish I hadn’t drunk quite so much!’
Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing,
and growing, and very soon had to kneel down on the
floor: in another minute there was not even room for this,
and she tried the effect of lying down with one elbow
against the door, and the other arm curled round her head.
Still she went on growing, and, as a last resource, she put
one arm out of the window, and one foot up the
chimney, and said to herself ‘Now I can do no more,
whatever happens. What will become of me?’
Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had
its full effect, and she grew no larger: still it was very
uncomfortable, and, as there seemed to be no sort of
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chance of her ever getting out of the room again, no
wonder she felt unhappy.
’It was much pleasanter at home,’ thought poor Alice,
‘when one wasn’t always growing larger and smaller, and
being ordered about by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I
hadn’t gone down that rabbit-hole—and yet—and yet—
it’s rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder
what can have happened to me! When I used to read fairytales,
I fancied that kind of thing never happened, and
now here I am in the middle of one! There ought to be a
book written about me, that there ought! And when I
grow up, I’ll write one—but I’m grown up now,’ she
added in a sorrowful tone; ‘at least there’s no room to
grow up any more here.’
’But then,’ thought Alice, ‘shall I never get any older
than I am now? That’ll be a comfort, one way—never to
be an old woman— but then—always to have lessons to
learn! Oh, I shouldn’t like that!’
’Oh, you foolish Alice!’ she answered herself. ‘How can
you learn lessons in here? Why, there’s hardly room for
you, and no room at all for any lesson-books!’
And so she went on, taking first one side and then the
other, and making quite a conversation of it altogether;
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but after a few minutes she heard a voice outside, and
stopped to listen.
’Mary Ann! Mary Ann!’ said the voice. ‘Fetch me my
gloves this moment!’ Then came a little pattering of feet
on the stairs. Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look
for her, and she trembled till she shook the house, quite
forgetting that she was now about a thousand times as
large as the Rabbit, and had no reason to be afraid of it.
Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to
open it; but, as the door opened inwards, and Alice’s
elbow was pressed hard against it, that attempt proved a
failure. Alice heard it say to itself ‘Then I’ll go round and
get in at the window.’
’That you won’t’ thought Alice, and, after waiting till
she fancied she heard the Rabbit just under the window,
she suddenly spread out her hand, and made a snatch in
the air. She did not get hold of anything, but she heard a
little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken glass, from
which she concluded that it was just possible it had fallen
into a cucumber-frame, or something of the sort.
Next came an angry voice—the Rabbit’s—’Pat! Pat!
Where are you?’ And then a voice she had never heard
before, ‘Sure then I’m here! Digging for apples, yer
honour!’
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’Digging for apples, indeed!’ said the Rabbit angrily.
‘Here! Come and help me out of this!’ (Sounds of more
broken glass.)
’Now tell me, Pat, what’s that in the window?’
’Sure, it’s an arm, yer honour!’ (He pronounced it
‘arrum.’)
’An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why,
it fills the whole window!’
’Sure, it does, yer honour: but it’s an arm for all that.’
’Well, it’s got no business there, at any rate: go and take
it away!’
There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only
hear whispers now and then; such as, ‘Sure, I don’t like it,
yer honour, at all, at all!’ ‘Do as I tell you, you coward!’
and at last she spread out her hand again, and made
another snatch in the air. This time there were two little
shrieks, and more sounds of broken glass. ‘What a number
of cucumber-frames there must be!’ thought Alice. ‘I
wonder what they’ll do next! As for pulling me out of the
window, I only wish they could! I’m sure I don’t want to
stay in here any longer!’
She waited for some time without hearing anything
more: at last came a rumbling of little cartwheels, and the
sound of a good many voices all talking together: she
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made out the words: ‘Where’s the other ladder?—Why, I
hadn’t to bring but one; Bill’s got the other—Bill! fetch it
here, lad!—Here, put ‘em up at this corner—No, tie ‘em
together first—they don’t reach half high enough yet—
Oh! they’ll do well enough; don’t be particular— Here,
Bill! catch hold of this rope—Will the roof bear?—Mind
that loose slate—Oh, it’s coming down! Heads below!’ (a
loud crash)—’Now, who did that?—It was Bill, I fancy—
Who’s to go down the chimney?—Nay, I shan’t! you do
it!—That I won’t, then!—Bill’s to go down—Here, Bill!
the master says you’re to go down the chimney!’
’Oh! So Bill’s got to come down the chimney, has he?’
said Alice to herself. ‘Shy, they seem to put everything
upon Bill! I wouldn’t be in Bill’s place for a good deal: this
fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but I think I can kick a
little!’
She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she
could, and waited till she heard a little animal (she couldn’t
guess of what sort it was) scratching and scrambling about
in the chimney close above her: then, saying to herself
‘This is Bill,’ she gave one sharp kick, and waited to see
what would happen next.
The first thing she heard was a general chorus of ‘There
goes Bill!’ then the Rabbit’s voice along—’Catch him,
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you by the hedge!’ then silence, and then another
confusion of voices—’Hold up his head—Brandy now—
Don’t choke him—How was it, old fellow? What
happened to you? Tell us all about it!’
Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, (’That’s Bill,’
thought Alice,) ‘Well, I hardly know—No more, thank
ye; I’m better now—but I’m a deal too flustered to tell
you—all I know is, something comes at me like a Jack-inthe-
box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket!’
’So you did, old fellow!’ said the others.
’We must burn the house down!’ said the Rabbit’s
voice; and Alice called out as loud as she could, ‘If you do.
I’ll set Dinah at you!’
There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to
herself, ‘I wonder what they will do next! If they had any
sense, they’d take the roof off.’ After a minute or two,
they began moving about again, and Alice heard the
Rabbit say, ‘A barrowful will do, to begin with.’
’A barrowful of what?’ thought Alice; but she had not
long to doubt, for the next moment a shower of little
pebbles came rattling in at the window, and some of them
hit her in the face. ‘I’ll put a stop to this,’ she said to
herself, and shouted out, ‘You’d better not do that again!’
which produced another dead silence.
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Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were
all turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a
bright idea came into her head. ‘If I eat one of these
cakes,’ she thought, ‘it’s sure to make some change in my
size; and as it can’t possibly make me larger, it must make
me smaller, I suppose.’
So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted
to find that she began shrinking directly. As soon as she
was small enough to get through the door, she ran out of
the house, and found quite a crowd of little animals and
birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in
the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were
giving it something out of a bottle. They all made a rush at
Alice the moment she appeared; but she ran off as hard as
she could, and soon found herself safe in a thick wood.
’The first thing I’ve got to do,’ said Alice to herself, as
she wandered about in the wood, ‘is to grow to my right
size again; and the second thing is to find my way into that
lovely garden. I think that will be the best plan.’
It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly
and simply arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had
not the smallest idea how to set about it; and while she
was peering about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp
bark just over her head made her look up in a great hurry.
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An enormous puppy was looking down at her with
large round eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, trying
to touch her. ‘Poor little thing!’ said Alice, in a coaxing
tone, and she tried hard to whistle to it; but she was
terribly frightened all the time at the thought that it might
be hungry, in which case it would be very likely to eat her
up in spite of all her coaxing.
Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit
of stick, and held it out to the puppy; whereupon the
puppy jumped into the air off all its feet at once, with a
yelp of delight, and rushed at the stick, and made believe
to worry it; then Alice dodged behind a great thistle, to
keep herself from being run over; and the moment she
appeared on the other side, the puppy made another rush
at the stick, and tumbled head over heels in its hurry to
get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was very like having
a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every
moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the
thistle again; then the puppy began a series of short charges
at the stick, running a very little way forwards each time
and a long way back, and barking hoarsely all the while,
till at last it sat down a good way off, panting, with its
tongue hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes half
shut.
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This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making
her escape; so she set off at once, and ran till she was quite
tired and out of breath, and till the puppy’s bark sounded
quite faint in the distance.
’And yet what a dear little puppy it was!’ said Alice, as
she leant against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned
herself with one of the leaves: ‘I should have liked
teaching it tricks very much, if—if I’d only been the right
size to do it! Oh dear! I’d nearly forgotten that I’ve got to
grow up again! Let me see—how IS it to be managed? I
suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other; but
the great question is, what?’